Adequacy of Addiction: Interlude I
Jun. 22nd, 2011 11:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunshine_173Author: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sunshine_173
Rating: This, G
Pairing: BellDom
Summary: Explores the darker side of a relationship; What it means to be truly addicted to someone.
Feedback: I'm a comment whore. Every time I read one, miniature fairies take handfuls of love from my heart and dispense them into yours.
Disclaimer: I think if I owned Muse, you would know about it. They're a bit famous so I doubt it'd be something easily hidden.
Warning: Absolutely nothing
Note: So. My internet got turned off a few days ago. From then to now....have been the most devastatingly boring days I have ever lived. BUT. I have done a drawing and a quarter and I wrote this. I have also memorized Becoming Jane. tada olol
When I was a child, my mother told me that I was created across the stars, for why else would her son have eyes as bright as a supernova and hair as ebony as the midnight sky?
Years later, she told me my mind was as open as the universe, as wide and vast and beautiful as the heavens above.
When I was in my late teens, she told me that I was forever, that I would accomplish magnificent heights.
On her deathbed, she whispered into my hair that if I looked into the sky on a full moon I would see her tear-soaked eyes twinkling down her love.
It's been five years since then. Countless moons and darker days have passed and I am inconceivably frightened of who I have become.
I could be worse. I could be a murderer. I could be a rapist or thief or a gambling man. In retrospect I guess a gambler is as applicable as anything. Though no matter how you word it, an addiction is just that. An addiction.
When I was seventeen, my mother told me that if I was to forget everything she'd ever told me, to promise and remember this one piece of advice. And I do, vividly. I remember sitting on the bank of a lake with her, shivering, watching a lone swan float by us. I remember her crimson scarf slapping me in the face from the force of the wind, and her giggled apology as she wrapped her arm around me. I remember her crystal eyes gazing off at some distant dream as she whispered to me, "I've made mistakes, Matthew. I continue to, every day. That's human nature, and it's as unswayable as gravity. I just want to make sure you know that there will be choices that you make in the future. That could be tomorrow, that could be ten years from now, but there will come a day that you will unknowingly make a decision that will affect you for the rest if your life. And I want you to be prepared for that moment. You don't realize how fragile a thing fate is, and how something as abstract as thought can change it. Don't ever regret, Matthew. No matter how drastic that change is."
I've lived by that in the ten years it's been since she told it to me. Yet I find myself starting to drift, I find myself cracking under the weight of my mistake.
I look up at the sky and the stars don't shine for me anymore. All I see is a black canvas with a thousand little imperfections. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of what I've come to need more than anything.
And I'm scared that I'll never find his light again.
sunshine_173 Rating: This, G
Pairing: BellDom
Summary: Explores the darker side of a relationship; What it means to be truly addicted to someone.
Feedback: I'm a comment whore. Every time I read one, miniature fairies take handfuls of love from my heart and dispense them into yours.
Disclaimer: I think if I owned Muse, you would know about it. They're a bit famous so I doubt it'd be something easily hidden.
Warning: Absolutely nothing
Note: So. My internet got turned off a few days ago. From then to now....have been the most devastatingly boring days I have ever lived. BUT. I have done a drawing and a quarter and I wrote this. I have also memorized Becoming Jane. tada olol
When I was a child, my mother told me that I was created across the stars, for why else would her son have eyes as bright as a supernova and hair as ebony as the midnight sky?
Years later, she told me my mind was as open as the universe, as wide and vast and beautiful as the heavens above.
When I was in my late teens, she told me that I was forever, that I would accomplish magnificent heights.
On her deathbed, she whispered into my hair that if I looked into the sky on a full moon I would see her tear-soaked eyes twinkling down her love.
It's been five years since then. Countless moons and darker days have passed and I am inconceivably frightened of who I have become.
I could be worse. I could be a murderer. I could be a rapist or thief or a gambling man. In retrospect I guess a gambler is as applicable as anything. Though no matter how you word it, an addiction is just that. An addiction.
When I was seventeen, my mother told me that if I was to forget everything she'd ever told me, to promise and remember this one piece of advice. And I do, vividly. I remember sitting on the bank of a lake with her, shivering, watching a lone swan float by us. I remember her crimson scarf slapping me in the face from the force of the wind, and her giggled apology as she wrapped her arm around me. I remember her crystal eyes gazing off at some distant dream as she whispered to me, "I've made mistakes, Matthew. I continue to, every day. That's human nature, and it's as unswayable as gravity. I just want to make sure you know that there will be choices that you make in the future. That could be tomorrow, that could be ten years from now, but there will come a day that you will unknowingly make a decision that will affect you for the rest if your life. And I want you to be prepared for that moment. You don't realize how fragile a thing fate is, and how something as abstract as thought can change it. Don't ever regret, Matthew. No matter how drastic that change is."
I've lived by that in the ten years it's been since she told it to me. Yet I find myself starting to drift, I find myself cracking under the weight of my mistake.
I look up at the sky and the stars don't shine for me anymore. All I see is a black canvas with a thousand little imperfections. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of what I've come to need more than anything.
And I'm scared that I'll never find his light again.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 08:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-23 08:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 03:25 am (UTC)You write beautifully, and I feel a bit sorry for Matthew, he seems to be so lonely. Great writing.
Update soon, please ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 12:22 pm (UTC)I really love references/descriptions etc of the stars and galaxy in fics because i am so fascinated by them in real life... So this was just jackpot for me :)
"why else would her son have eyes as bright as a supernova and hair as ebony as the midnight sky?"
"I look up at the sky and the stars don't shine for me anymore. All I see is a black canvas with a thousand little imperfections."
My two fave parts :D
Can't wait to see more! <3
no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 01:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-25 01:41 am (UTC)but anyways, wow...this is so beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous and touching. Loved his mum's words to him so so so much. <33
All I see is a black canvas with a thousand little imperfections. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of what I've come to need more than anything.
And I'm scared that I'll never find his light again.
So...beautiful...I can't.
*worships*
By the way, love your icon :D therefore I shall post this comment with an appropriate icon.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-05 11:27 pm (UTC)I know (I think, anyway) that you're back in business now and I'm way late, but I'm here!
This is as gorgeous as ever and I'm glad to see you update it! But poor Matthew. He's just a little tortured, isn't he?
I hope there's more from you soon! ♥
no subject
Date: 2011-11-30 06:04 am (UTC)The way you described the stars, moon, sky, Matthew's features was so devastatingly beautiful.