title: Untitled i
summary: I don't know how to describe this so I'll just quote it: "I never planned on you to have such an effect on me, for you to make me look at life a new way, from a different perspective."
feedback: I wants it, my precious.
note: Just a short little something I wrote to get some shit out of my head.
I never planned on you to have such an effect on me, for you to make me look at life a new way, from a different perspective.
I’ve always had everything plotted, outlined, calculated. My life has always been a blueprint, my walls drafted with precision and every internal room quartered off, sectioned away behind my façade. What people see is what I want them to see. I only show what is necessary at the time, and if that means that means that all pretenses must be kept up, then so be it: none will fall.
And then I met you.
I knew you were different from the start. A recluse from society, one who played to the rhythm and step of your own song, your own beat, without any fear of rejection or judgment. You entranced me, you drew me into your web and I went willingly, ignoring what that little, bastardly voice in the back of my head was whispering to me. I didn’t know what to expect, but I went out on a limb for you, I took a blind leap of faith for you and I’ve been in freefall ever since.
How can two people be so alike yet so different? Two halves of the same whole, the yang to my yin.
You have so much more control than I do, though. Control of your mind, your body, yourself. You’re so much stronger than me, but I’ve seen how thin that veil is. I know your control wavers when we’re around each other, because mine does as well, what little amount of it I have. I have the smallest amount of time left with you, and I don’t know what to do because I become so easily fixated, so easily attached to people that I put my trust into, and I’m dangerously close to falling in a more permanent way.
I know your desires and you know mine. We share the same wishes, the same dreams, though our ways of execution are on the opposite sides of the spectrum. I saw a side of you last night that touched me in ways I don’t know how to express. I’ve never had to describe them before, never had the time or the reason to. Something in me changed, something was realized. I haven’t quite decided just what it is, but I know one thing: it scares me.